Monday, January 02, 2006

What happens when you breed and buy real estate?

You stop blogging.

I was already half way there with the real estate. That's why I have never been able to consistently write a blog. Or I am lazy and think all of you are fucking rejects unworthy of my mindless rambling ninny-words.

So, until Everett gets off his Duff, I am going to try to put down the Simpson's video game I received on New Years and give you some stuff to look at. Ev's the thinker. Ev will give you a link and supply cogent commentary. I supply links, insults and fart jokes. I'm like that.

Oh, where to begin?
Have I ever told you how much I hate sports. I fucking hate football, and I currently have a houseguest who intends to leave the teli tuned to football for the entire fucking day. I foresee a long day of garage cleaning to keep me out of the house so I don't have to watch the homo-erotic display of three-hundred pound men who are such pussies that they have to wear pads and helmets when they bump into each other playing grab-ass in between meaningless bouts of running, ball throwing, ass-slapping and a whole lotta standing around doing nothing.
How the fuck do educated people watch this pablum?
What is the FUCKING point!

Maybe I should give you some stuff to look at, so I can go spend some quality time in the garage with Lars Fredericksen cranked to 11.

Here's one for all you football lovers. Go buy a fucking hummer, you retards. There seems to be a few too many lying around.

Here's one for you internet junkies. You won't be able to hide the porny little picture and videos you want to read at work, but it does a nice job of hiding text so you can read all of your political blogs without people noticing. Or you can jerk off to football stats.

Amherst! Hah! Look, you can ask philosophers questions! I was going to put a link here that rewrote Superman's origin story, but I thought you football loving fucktards might need something a little more vacuous.

So, I either want an old trasher vespa to work on, or one of these. Americans are soft. When the Screamin' Yellow Hordes come roaring across North America riding these (and probably running us all through with lances like some kind of Mad Max Medieval Nightmare) I, for one, hope to join them. Call me a traitor, you pasty, drooling, moronic, football-watching chump.

The Unitarian Jihad? Must be a San Francisco thing. They have football there. I hate them. I don't mind Unitarians though. Even martyred one. Unless they like football, then they can suck a fuckin' root. Maybe we can all get Unitarian Jihad names, like mine "The Gatling Gun of Compassion," and go kick some football fan ass, those fat, slow, greasy rejects.

I guess pirates don't have much time for updatin' their blogs either. I don't think any self-respecting pirate would like a poofter sport like football, either.

Perhaps I shall try some of these tips to try and pass the time while the game of the weak and decadent is on boob tube. Though The Bastards and some gun cleaning sounds a lot more attractive.

This is a link for you bike loving pig-fuckers (some of whom never call, visit or write emails). If I ever decide to learn how to weld, it will be so I can build myself a pedal-powered chopper with ape-hangers and a turning radius that would put the Queen Mary to shame. Austin has a tall bike group. They make tall bikes, get drunk and joust. I don't think my sensai would approve. Not that I care. It might even be as fun as drunk shooting. It could involve coma and brain death and it would be better than the Opiate of the Feckless, Stupid Overpayed Fat Men in Tights, the Evidence of Cultural Decay, foot<>>ball. Waste of time, waste of resources, if you like it... ah fuck it, it sucks. Get bent.

I have an idea about who is going to respond first, the fucking limey!