Somebody please call animal control

There's a pitbull trying to hump my leg. Or maybe it's a poodle. Or maybe it's a poobull. I don't know. All I really know is that someone at TownHall.com has gone off the deep end. If you can make heads or tails of this commentary, please drop me a line. Given that it comes from TownHall, can I safely assume that pit bulls are good, Christian red-staters and poodles are the nambsy-pambsy poofter lefties I usually hang out with? Or does his doggy dualism translate into something larger that I've missed. Guidance please.