Monday, January 02, 2006

What happens when you breed and buy real estate?

You stop blogging.

I was already half way there with the real estate. That's why I have never been able to consistently write a blog. Or I am lazy and think all of you are fucking rejects unworthy of my mindless rambling ninny-words.

So, until Everett gets off his Duff, I am going to try to put down the Simpson's video game I received on New Years and give you some stuff to look at. Ev's the thinker. Ev will give you a link and supply cogent commentary. I supply links, insults and fart jokes. I'm like that.

Oh, where to begin?
Have I ever told you how much I hate sports. I fucking hate football, and I currently have a houseguest who intends to leave the teli tuned to football for the entire fucking day. I foresee a long day of garage cleaning to keep me out of the house so I don't have to watch the homo-erotic display of three-hundred pound men who are such pussies that they have to wear pads and helmets when they bump into each other playing grab-ass in between meaningless bouts of running, ball throwing, ass-slapping and a whole lotta standing around doing nothing.
How the fuck do educated people watch this pablum?
What is the FUCKING point!

Maybe I should give you some stuff to look at, so I can go spend some quality time in the garage with Lars Fredericksen cranked to 11.

Here's one for all you football lovers. Go buy a fucking hummer, you retards. There seems to be a few too many lying around.

Here's one for you internet junkies. You won't be able to hide the porny little picture and videos you want to read at work, but it does a nice job of hiding text so you can read all of your political blogs without people noticing. Or you can jerk off to football stats.

Amherst! Hah! Look, you can ask philosophers questions! I was going to put a link here that rewrote Superman's origin story, but I thought you football loving fucktards might need something a little more vacuous.

So, I either want an old trasher vespa to work on, or one of these. Americans are soft. When the Screamin' Yellow Hordes come roaring across North America riding these (and probably running us all through with lances like some kind of Mad Max Medieval Nightmare) I, for one, hope to join them. Call me a traitor, you pasty, drooling, moronic, football-watching chump.

The Unitarian Jihad? Must be a San Francisco thing. They have football there. I hate them. I don't mind Unitarians though. Even martyred one. Unless they like football, then they can suck a fuckin' root. Maybe we can all get Unitarian Jihad names, like mine "The Gatling Gun of Compassion," and go kick some football fan ass, those fat, slow, greasy rejects.

I guess pirates don't have much time for updatin' their blogs either. I don't think any self-respecting pirate would like a poofter sport like football, either.

Perhaps I shall try some of these tips to try and pass the time while the game of the weak and decadent is on boob tube. Though The Bastards and some gun cleaning sounds a lot more attractive.

This is a link for you bike loving pig-fuckers (some of whom never call, visit or write emails). If I ever decide to learn how to weld, it will be so I can build myself a pedal-powered chopper with ape-hangers and a turning radius that would put the Queen Mary to shame. Austin has a tall bike group. They make tall bikes, get drunk and joust. I don't think my sensai would approve. Not that I care. It might even be as fun as drunk shooting. It could involve coma and brain death and it would be better than the Opiate of the Feckless, Stupid Overpayed Fat Men in Tights, the Evidence of Cultural Decay, foot<>>ball. Waste of time, waste of resources, if you like it... ah fuck it, it sucks. Get bent.

I have an idea about who is going to respond first, the fucking limey!


Sunday, November 20, 2005


Please take a moment and relish this New York Times headline from today:

Corruption Inquiry Threatens to Ensnare Lawmakers

Then, click on the link and go read the article and revel in the fact that, for once, the story lives up to the hype. Oh, the sound of the piper about to get paid is so very sweet to the ear. America will be a better place if scumbag politicians accepting bribes from lobbyist vermin finally get the boot. I know Scanlan can only rat on so many, but our Congress needs a good purge. Send a good 20-30 of those doughy fuckers to jail, let G-dawg and friends pound their pucker holes to oblivions and, goddamit, let our political "leadership" realize that perhaps they ought to focus on their individual constituents rather than high-paying corporate and institutional donors.

Violence begets violence, I know. And as an American, I've been raised to accept violence as a reasonable solution to many problems. That, in turn, creates a multitude of problems for our socieity. In this case, though, I don't see anything but good flowing from the potential exposure of people like Scanlan, Abramoff, Delay, Ney, Blunt and others to the institutionalized violence of our federal penal system. In fact, that sort of goodness can't come soon enough.

Friday, November 18, 2005

DOJ, elections and race.

And finally, I highly recommend this post from Publius on recent shenanigans at DOJ surrounding the pre-clearance of Georgia's new voter ID law. It's shameful. But hailing from Georgia myself, I can say it's not at all surprising. Atlanta, for all its metropolitan trappings and urban nature, still just mostly consists of a shiny veneer covering up rotten core of the state.

Anecdotal proof: I used to wait tables at a restaurant in Marietta. One day, while taking an order, I heard a table of five talking behind me. One woman at the table said, "We hired a gardener this week." One of her table mates, responded, "Oh, is he black." First woman, "Yes." Table mate, "Oh you better watch out, those people are just animals." Later on, I heard this table decrying the coarseness and general ignorance of "new money." Atleast they're equal opportunity haters...

Kinsley on abortion. What about the rest?

I generally like what Michael Kinsley has to say. He's smart, erudite and funny. His commentary in today's Post, though not funny, highlights those qualities. He points out a rarely-discussed issue in the mainstream media, namely that there is no debate over abortion, merely a bunch of shouting. That's all well and good, but by that standard where in our society is there a debate anymore?

I'm busy shouting on this blog, right-wingers are busy shouting on their blogs, Congress is basically locked up in a shouting match, and our President regularly issues disjointed quasi-oracular statements on whatever topic du jour his disinformation campaigners think will motivate his base. He's not shouting I admit, but they've pumped him so full of pep-pills, anti-depressants and the occasional rufie that he probably can't muster the strength to shout anymore. Regardless, my point is, none of this constitutes debate.

So what does Kinsley want us to do? We don't debate abortion because 1) we don't know how to debate anymore, and 2) the hacks (as he rightly points out) like to manipulate hte polity through emotional issues. Which came first? Likely the 2nd. Question is, how do we return ourselves to a position wherein we can begin seeking grounds on which to debate. Let me suggest one method: compromise. (Yes, I said it again). The mouth-breating proto-fascist Christian stormtroopers probably won't agree, but I suspect that most of the rest of us might be able to find some shared ground. Perhaps it's the value of a woman's life, perhaps it's the links between poverty and teen pregnancy. I don't know. The point is, if we can find some shared values, we can then debate how those values inform the legal and political decisions that shape our national abortion policy. Until we do that, though, all the moaning in the world about the lack of debate isn't going to solve anything.

Whither the Republic?

The Decemberist has written a fascinating analysis of the recent collapse of the Congressional Republican organization. Though this morning's passage of a spending bill might seem to undercut some of his arguments, I think he's spot on. What this morning's vote represents, if anything, is the Republican leadership having to fight tooth and nail to get legislation passed that's a mere shadow of its former self. Now, instead of radical crap foisted off on the American public through a lot of legislative arm twisting, we get much weaker, watered-down versions of the same designed to make moderate Republicans happy. It's not pretty, but I think it's more along the lines of our traditional political model than previous efforts from the Delay/Rove/Blunt slimebag contingent. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the spending vote comprises a real change in Republican leadership methods. Rather, I think it's a tempering.

Compromise, contrary to my regular assertions as a 20-something, and certainly contrary to the frothy ravings of the loony right wing, is not a bad thing. If the Republican Party focused more on finding a happy median for a majority of legislature regardless of their party, I think they'd get further in the long run. Today's vote seems like a step in that direction. And I, for one, think it's a positive sign.

229 years ago we declared independence from a country run by a monarch and a parliament. Over the last 5 years, we've seen a president asserting monarchical powers at every turn and a complacent Congress acting more and more like a parliament. Finally, it's nice to see atleast one half of that equation changing.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Free Bicycle Content!

I put a new saddle on my fixed gear yesterday. It's a suspended Brooks B72. For the uninitiated, this may look like an ass-hatchet from hell. Appearances are deciving in this instance, the saddle feels very much like a leather barcalounger whilst riding. Very, very nice. For those of you out there riding somewhat upright bikes and having trouble with plastic saddles, cutouts and the like, I recommend finding a used B72 and riding it for a while. You might just like it.

Assholes in the news.

Actually, it's only one asshole, but he's all over the news these days. Whose that asshole? Why that'd be George W. Bush, the Asshat-in-Chief. Or is that asshole...?

Anyway, in a sudden, unexplainable and painfully tardy burst of critical thinking, a sizeable majority of Americans have settled upon the painfully obvious conclusion that our President is basically a dunce and decided that they no longer approve of his "hard work". Yippee. The President, of course, doesn't give a shit. At least that's what little Scottie McClellan has to say in this article. According to Little Scottie, the President doesn't pay attention to these sorts of opinion polls. Why, you might ask? Well, because "You can get caught up in polls...Polls are snapshots in time."

That's right. And if you put all those little snapshots together, you can make a flip book. And if you flip through the book, you'd see this dandy scene. So yeah, out of context one little snapshot might not mean much, but goldang, taken together you suddenly get a sinking sensation.

So, imagine your a one-note wonder dry drunk asshole swinging by your foot into a rocky cliff. What do you do? The obvious choice: blame someone else.

"You dirty muthafuckas! You egged me on! You made me climb this cliff. You gave me beer. You made me leap head long off this cliff!"

Stupid fucking asshole. And a failure too.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Something worth reading.

Actually, a few things worth reading. I don't have time to write, so instead I'll direct you to other people's writing.

1. The Decemberist writes an article for the American Prospect telling Democrats why they should ignore the model set by Newtie in 1994.

2. Publius has an interesting take on race in France and race in America.

3. The Church Sign Generator provides hours of family fun.

4. And finally, definitive proof that you'll be more comfortable in Hell.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Personal Reflection

All my life, I was never able to understand how parents put up with their crying children. I really couldn't. It just seemed to grating, so incessant, that I couldn't see how it wouldn't drive them crazy. Well, I think now I do. The peanut has been kind of fussy of late. In the evenings, she'll spend a good 10-15 minutes having a melt-down before falling to sleep. She'll cry and wail like all those kids who used to annoy me so much. And you know what? I can take it. I feel so sorry for her, so small and so limited in her ability to tell me what's bothering her, that I don't even pay attention to the fact that she's wailing in my ear. My focus on her well-being and comfort seems to overwhelm whatever sense of annoyane I might have at her cries. Love, it seems, is far stronger than fleeting concerns for personal comfort.

Dick Cheney is an evil troll.

Don't take my word for it. Read this article from the Boston Globe laying out all the reasons why I can such a dastardly thing.

Hypocrisy ain't much of an argument, but it's oh so gratifying

"Hypocrisy" or "hypocrite" is the gotcha assertion of the weak debater. I don't mean that people who toss about such charges have a weaker argument or, indeed, that the charge is not true. Rather, I tend to believe that bloggers and other such folk typically levy the charge when they lack the willingness, intelligence, or energy to offer a substantive argument. The latter, for example, is one reason why I regularly call Republicans hypocrites. And today, it's the reason why I'm going it again.

The curren Republican leadership in Congress is the slimiest group of ignorant, feckless hypocrites that ever clawed their way out of the sewer of American politics. Take a glance at this article and tell me that I'm not speaking the truth.

America's Fuckwit Contingent (AFC), formerly known as the Republican Party, has once again proven that there isn't an ethical, moral, or just plain common sense standard that they can't shit on in their pursuit for political points. This weeks Republican turdfest started when the WaPo published the unsurprising, but heretofore unsubstantiated story that contrary to domestic and international law, the CIA is running a de facto overseas gulag system. Every two-bit self-righteous red state assclown in Congress immediately began to fire up their inner whiney little bitches and bellyache about dire threats to national security and the virginal sanctity of classified information.

Now, ignoring the fact that the American gulag system is illegal, there may be some merit to their mush-mouthed caviling. There may be some information that is classified and whose release would harm the United States's best interest. In those instances, investigation into the source of leaks might be necessary to prevent further harm. I can accept that principal, though I would argue that it does not apply when the classification is used to hide illegal, immoral activities that violate every norm of human decency (i.e. torture). What I cannot accept is the AFC's uneven application of that principal.

Where, exactly, were Denny "Bi-partisan Bills are for Suckas" Hastert and Bill "Conflicts of Interest are for Pansies" Frist when they were asked to investigate the outing of Valerie Plame? They certainly weren't out there trying to ascertain "the actual and potential damage done to the national security of the United States and our partners in the Global War on Terrorism", that's for damn sure. So what gives? Well, I'm going to have to resort to the easy out to answer that question: they're all lying, cheating, stealing low-down hypocrites. It's as easy that.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The appearance of impropriety

I was reading a story on Yahoo news the other day about Tom Delay getting the original judge on his case dismissed because that judge had, in the past, contributed money to Democratic causes. At the time, two things caught my attention. First, that's a pretty fucking ridiculous claim to apply to judges in Texas. Why? Because all judges are elected and, hence, almost all judges have political affiliations. If the mere act of contributing funds to a political cause makes a judge partial, are there any impartial judges in the state of Texas? Seemed to me that Delay ran the risk of starting a tit-for-tat snipe session at every judge that got appointed to the case. Sure enough, Ronnie Earl had the judge that dismissed the first judge dismissed as well, this time on the theory that he is a Republican partisan. Where, exactly, does this end in a state where there are no unelected judges?

The second thing that caught my attention was this quote: "He's not the right judge for this case. It's not personal; it's not about him. It's about the appearance of impropriety." Now that's rich. A man who has been chided by the House Ethics Commmittee for actions that, at a minimum, had the appearance of impropriety, who argues that those same actions are legal and ethical, now arguing that the appearance of impropriety must be avoided at allc costs in the judicial setting. This makes me wonder, does Tom Delay really hold the courts in such high regard and the legislature in such low regard that he's willing to hold members of each to such vastly different standards? If that's the case, does such a man really deserve to be a legislature? What possible justification can he provide for that different treatment. One body make laws that govern our country, the other reviews them. These seem like equally important roles and not ones to be pissed upon by some two-bit cretinous thug from Texas.