It ain't all politics.

The peanut is due in just about 3 months and I'm beginning to feel panicky. I'm not a person who generally has problems falling asleep, but for the last few weeks I find myself lying in bed wondering about stuff: What if I'm a crappy father? What if I'm unemployed? What if the fumes from I-395 give the peanut asthma? What if the nursery walls are white and it's not tastefully appointed with all the nicest baby crapola? How did I get to be 32, basically jobless, with a child on the way? How can 3 months seem so short?

That's the big thing. 3 months. That's it. I've got to do everything to make this world a better place for my child in 3 short months. Goddam.

How am I supposed to do all this when I spend every day at work and my weekends are full? I've got friends who want me to visit their city, friends who want me to go canoeing, friends who want me to go bike riding, friends who want me to do whatever, and all the fuck I want to do is clean our house, arrange our furniture and make a nest.

Weird.